


What’s Left Behind

by star_grrrl



Category: Carry On - Fandom, Rainbow Rowell - Fandom, simon snow - Fandom
Genre: Fanfic, Fantasy, M/M, Magic, Multi, carryonfic, carryonrainbowrowell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2020-10-19 11:46:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20656712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_grrrl/pseuds/star_grrrl
Summary: What’s left behind when you’ve given it all away?A Simon Snow story. Takes place after the last chapter of Carry On (not the epilogue).





	1. Chapter 1

1.

Simon lay on the floor of the chapel still clutching on to Baz; slumped along the wall with the taller boy’s head on his shoulder. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do now except hold Baz, he had to do that. The air around them was still, quiet- too quiet, Simon thought, for what had happened only moments ago. It still didn’t feel quite real. Surely, the Mage would be in his office as usual, and they could confront him about Baz’s mom, and go home? Right?

The Mage couldn’t be that broken thing on the floor, not so far away from Simon. He couldn’t. It didn’t make any  _sense_. 

And yet it did. It made perfect, horrible, sense.The answer had been staring them in the face this whole time (Simon’s face especially).Penny had been right. She always was. 

Penny was now about two feet away from him, hunched in a similar position to Simon (although not holding Baz). 

This was her fault really, not that she meant to kill the Mage, but it was her  _Simon_ _Says_ that made it happen. But Simon couldn’t blame her, couldn’t be mad. (Andit was Simon’s words that made him die, at the end)

Penny was just a girl trying to save her friends. 

And he was just a boy. 

Not a hero. 

A boy.

The Mage had made him more than he was, he painted Simon to be a storybook hero, a real life Robin Hood. The Mage. 

Simon’s gaze shifted to the crumpled figure that was his former mentor, taking it in until it was all too much and he had to shut his eyes. 

Baz’s hands still dug into his shirt, but the boy seemed to have fallen asleep. 

He was so  _tired_ , Simon suddenly realized. Aleister Crowley, he was tired.His eyes opened for just a moment to glance at Baz. Definitely asleep, he decided. 

Good. The amount of magic Baz had performed the last couple days should have made him collapse hours ago. It was a wonder he hadn’t fallen asleep on them yet. 

But then again, Baz was a vampire. He was practically bloody invincible, the git. 

Simon’s eyes drifted shut again. 

He was so  _tired_.

________________________

“_Wake up, Simon._ “

Someone was shaking his shoulders.

“_Come on, Simon._ “

The same voice.

“_Simon?..._”

A new, deeper, worried-sounding voice.

_Baz_.

Simon opened his eyes to Penny standing over him, her purple hair spilling over his shoulder. And behind her, Baz. His long black hair tousled in a way that still managed to look perfect, even in a time like this. (Git.) Same grey eyes, but with all the light gone out. 

Baz frowned, and Penny had an exasperated expression on her face. 

Maybe they had been saying something to him?

“ _Get up Simon, we have to go_”. 

Go? Go where? Where did a person go after having accidentally killed their headmaster?

Simon couldn’t think of anywhere. (At least nowhere he wanted to go.)

“_Come on Simon, my mom is here._”

Penny, gentler this time. 

With a soft sigh Simon stood up, already missing the simplicity of sleep. You didn’t have to think as much when you were asleep. 

Baz was looking at him, that same concern in his voice now written all over his face. 

“ _Alright Snow? Simon?_”

Simon didn’t bother answering. They all knew that not one of them was  _alright_. He just grabbed Baz’s hand as they made their way over to where Penny’s mom was standing. 

To whatever came next. 


	2. Chapter 2

2.

“_Penny_.” 

Mrs. Bunce embraced her daughter tearfully, the most affection Simon had seen anyone in their family show. Sure they didn’t hate each other, but they weren’t exactly the doting family type. 

Penny’s mom then turned to Baz and Simon, taking in their bedraggled appearances. Frowning, her gaze shifted to the lump on the floor that was the Mage. 

“_Oh Davy,_ _I was hoping it wouldn’t have to come to this_”. 

Something in her eyes softened, probably remembering the boy she once knew. 

A moment passed as Mitali was lost in memory; until Penny, ever the sensible one, interrupted the silence.

“ _Mom?..We need to go home_”. 

“_Of course_.”

Mrs.Bunce turned away from the Mage, heading towards the gates where her car was waiting. Simon’s eyes once again fell on the ruined man, wondering what would happen to him after they left. 

Maybe it didn’t matter.

Simon stole one last glance at his mentor before following behind, Baz’s hand still soft in his. 

They passed through the gates of Watford together, Simon unsure if he would ever return. 

________________________________

The ride to Penny’s house was silent. No one knew the right words to say in this situation, or even how to begin. 

That was alright. Simon didn’t feel much like talking anyways. 

The car pulled into the driveway, Penny’s house a welcome beacon of warmth, even though Simon knew that Mrs.Bunce didn’t exactly have a soft spot for him. 

And then there was Baz. Simon didn’t think he wanted to know what Mrs.Bunce thought about him and Baz. That was a whole other issue, and he barely could handle the one major issue at the moment. 

Mostly Simon wanted to go back to sleep.

Blissful, glorious, sleep.

Preferably with a certain grey eyed vampire next to him. 

Simon smiled weakly, remembering that first night at the Pitch manor and kisses by firelight. 

That was all gone now. Gone because of him. Because of the Humdrum. Although he supposed there wasn’t much difference. 

Guilt, overwhelming and all consuming, came barreling in. 

The Manor, the Mage, all those homes....

Gone. 

And it was inarguably Simon’s fault. 

It was all he could do to not run away from the World of Mages and never look back, like Agatha had done. 

Simon clutched Baz’s hand tighter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for the short chapter, the next one will be longer. Major thanks to the people who left kudos (and a comment) on the first chapter, I really appreciate it!  
\- Lune


	3. Chapter 3

3.

Penny’s mom had been trying to bribe him with tea for the last hour to talk, but Simon wouldn’t. 

He couldn’t. What was he supposed to tell her? How he killed the Mage and was the Insidious Humdrum? That her daughter created the spell that ended it? 

He wouldn’t even know where to start. 

And he had never been good with words. 

Penny brought him tea anyways. 

In those first few hours he mostly drank whatever Penny gave him and clutched onto Baz.

It was all he _could_ do . 

The others didn’t talk about it either. Baz appeared as shell-shocked as Simon was, his grey eyes gone completely murky and his face gaunt. 

Still, he managed to politely answer a few questions Mrs.Bunce had that didn’t directly pertain to the events of the day. 

Of course Baz could be ever charming. 

Simon didn’t even have the strength to mock him for it. 

Besides, what was the point of arguing? Neither of them needed that now, except for that it would maybe restore a shred of normalcy. Much better to be boyfriends (even terrible, broken ones) on a day like this. 

Baz had been so patient with Simon ever since that spell rang through the air. Holding him, comforting him, not once pressuring him to talk. 

Simon wished he could tell him how grateful he was, but he’d probably just sound like an idiot. Baz was so much better at words than him anyways. 

Instead Simon pressed a soft kiss to Baz’s cheek, hoping it would convey the words for him somehow.

(Crowley,he sounded like an idiot. ) 

Baz looked at him, surprised. 

And then he smiled, one of those rare real smiles he seemed to reserve for only Simon. 

Something in that smile made it seem that maybe everything would be alright, after a while. Like Baz had told him right after the Mage crumpled to the floor of the chapel and he was suddenly sobbing in his arms. 

( _It’s alright, love._ )

_Love_.

Simon offered a smile back, and Baz leaned over to kiss his forehead; cool lips against his skin just barely. 

It was so gentle, so  _soft_ , it somehow made Simon want to cry all over again. 

(Idiot.) 

But then Baz pulled him in closer as if to shield him from the world. 

And maybe he hadn’t been an idiot. 

Because now he was in a safe bubble of pale skin and velvet lips and jet black hair. 

The outside world didn’t matter so much right now. 

They had had their share of it for the day, and now they could be safe. 

Safe. 

That’s all Simon wanted, to keep Baz safe, keep him close. And now there was no Humdrum, no Mage, no war (maybe) with the creatures, and Penny’s mom told them the Old Families called it off once the Mage was dead. 

Even though there were still so many questions, so many uncertainties, maybe he could at least accomplish this. 

Baz’s hands clasped around Simon’s waist, securing their safe bubble.

Maybe in time, everything could indeed be  _alright_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know this isn’t a very exciting or plot moving chapter, but I feel like it’s important to establish character and character relationships/dynamics, so that’s mainly what’s happening here. Hope you enjoyed! :) - Lune


	4. Chapter 4

Baz

Five days have passed since they first came to the Bunce’s. Simon still refuses to talk. Baz doesn’t think he’s choosing to exactly, he just- can’t. It’s all too much for him, and he lost every drop of magic on top of it. 

Well, gave it away. 

Even though he’s an idiot,

(Baz’s idiot) he still managed to defeat the Humdrum and be the hero. 

Figures. 

Penny and Baz had to tell Mrs.Bunce eventually, someone had to know the truth and they were staying at her house. 

It would be rude to keep silent.

When they reached the part about Penny’s spell, and the fall of the Mage, Mrs.Bunce audibly gasped, eyes tearing up. 

Whether out of sympathy for the boy she once knew or for her daughter, Baz didn’t know. 

He hoped it was for Penny. 

In the past few days working with her,Baz had grown to really respect Penny. She was a fantastic magician after all, and made for excellent company. 

It was unfortunate, Baz thought, that they had to have made an alliance in such tragic circumstances. Although they probably wouldn’t have made one any other way. 

Baz looked around the room, to the devastated faces of these people he had come to know so fast in so little time. 

Funny, what war does to you. 

They seemed crumpled in on themselves, like someone had knocked all their walls down. 

And then there was Simon, broken.Maybe broken forever. 

It sure seemed that way sometimes, like he would never return from whatever world he had locked himself in. The world that stopped him from talking to anyone, including Baz. 

Baz used to think that Simon talked too much.

He would never think that again. 

Baz longed to hear Simon’s words, to have him yell at him, tease him, anything. 

Anything would be better than silence. 

Baz hadn’t even been sure where they stood, relationship wise, until Simon kissed him on the cheek that first day. 

It was so  _different_, being kissed on the cheek. More sweet, more gentle, more  _loving_ than Baz could have ever imagined. 

Simon was in general, more than Baz imagined. 

He had never thought that Simon would be so  _soft_ . (In a good, no, perfect way.) 

They spent more time holding hands than anything else. 

Simon liked to be held, like he was a child. He wrapped his arms around you and buried his head in your chest and never let you go. (Baz didn’t want him to.)

Neither of them had anyone to hold them like that as children, not really. (Not after the Tragedy) 

Not like they were something precious. 

So they held each other tight and found comfort in the way they matched. 

What else could they do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agh I’m sorry I kinda abandoned this story. I have one more chapter fully pre written, but I’m not going to make any promises on updates. Thank you so much to those who have read, and are reading this story right now, I appreciate it. :) - Lune

**Author's Note:**

> And so it begins! I hope you guys enjoyed it! I do have the next couple chapters written so I should be able to upload regularly (hopefully) but you never know with school and stuff. Anyways, that’s all for now! :) - Lune


End file.
